Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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