He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
