I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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