Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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