he told me I talked like a deaf person
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
