She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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