erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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