He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
