I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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