a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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