allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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