i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
