You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
