Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
