I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to calm my uterus...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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