I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
