So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
