My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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