I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
