i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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