you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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