I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
