I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
