You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
