She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
