I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
