So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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