I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She even gives head with a lisp.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
