just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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