Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize