just come out here and I will go home with you...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
