Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
