he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
