how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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