Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
