I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
