If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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