That's when you crack a 10am beer
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
