You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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