Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
