Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
