It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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