And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
