I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
