Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
