Someone shit on the floor
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
