Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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