On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
