So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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