She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
