Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
