Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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