I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
