just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
