I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Even the bartender felt bad for me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
