I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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