my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
