Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
