my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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