I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
