No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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