1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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