and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
