at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
