Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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