He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
