babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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