you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They took my balls.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
