if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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