remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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