so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
