Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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