Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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