i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
