I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
