I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Boobs speak an international language.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
